Saturday, March 31, 2012

Your my king and I'm your lionheart

I write about relationships a lot, but I don't really like doing that. I do not like it because I know that relationships are always changing. I know that I am still young and I do not know everything there is to know about relationships. Well, the truth is no one really knows everything there is to know about relationships. We are always learning. Each relationship is new, is different, is unique in their own way so there is no way we can sit here and tell each other "that is not how it is" "that is not how it is supposed to go" You know what it goes how you want it to go. You learn from your mistakes and then you pick up from there and move on. If you you are meant to be with your mate then it will be so.

I have been listening to this song over and over and over again, and it has just got me thinking of so many things!

You know I was thinking about what I want. What I need. What I love about being in a relationship. This song just speaks to my heart. 
Of course, every little girl wants a fairy tale for a relationship. 
In my mind...that is not possible, maybe someone out there has achieved that, and that is wonderful. 
As I sit here and think about what I want I realized that... 
I just want someone to be there for me. 

When the world is ending I want to be able to count on the person I love to be standing right next to me holding my hand, not going down without a fight. 
I want passion.
I want love.
I want commitment.

A great day to clear your mind

This morning I woke up to a phone call from my financial aid adviser at my school. He informed me that my monthly payment to pay for school has gone from $75 a month to $300 a month. I could feel the tears welling up right when he said that because I knew that I could not afford that kind of a payment. I asked him if I had any other options and he basically told me that there was nothing I could do. I can try and go half time but that might mess with my financial aid that I have currently and then I would have to be going to school an extra year or so because I would not be going to school full time. I know that there are worse things that can happen, and I am sure that everything will work itself out but in that moment I felt sick to my stomach. I was so upset because school is the one thing that I really truly enjoy doing. It is the one thing that I look forward to doing everyday. I love cooking. I finally found what I love to do and in that moment I felt like it was being taken away from me because I do not have that much money. I normally try to be positive about things and see the good in everything, but I just could not see how this would be a good thing. 

Luckily, my amazing boyfriend is 15 hours ahead of me and just happened to be awake. I spoke with him on our walkie talkie app we both have on our phones and he made me feel better about the situation. It truly amazes me how someone can make me feel like a million bucks and he is like a million miles away. I could be going through the worst thing imaginable and he would be the one that shows me the most support. Actually, I know that is true because I have been through some pretty crappy situations and he has shown me that he will always be here for me no matter where he is at in the world. 
That is amazing to me. 
I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world. 

After I started feeling a little better I went upstairs and woke my sister up and made us some eggs. We decided that we were finally going to go on the hike I have been wanting to go on the whole week! We got ready and headed out. We couldn't really decide where we wanted to go, but eventually chose to go on a small hike on a trail up behind the capitol. We had never been there, but heard good reviews from the internet and thought we would give it a try.

We really had a lot of fun on our hike and It was just the thing I needed. I had time to clear my mind and think about things, but at the same time I could just not think about anything. I could just be in the moment and think about the steps in front of me and that felt good. After our hike Katie and I decided to go to Ruth's Diner. A little place up Immigration Canyon with delicious food. It has been featured on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and we had been there once before and decided it would be awesome to go there!! :) And let me tell you the food was amazing.

We drove around the city enjoying the scenery all around us and just took it in. It was a beautiful day.

While enjoying this beautiful day I decided that at the end of the day I was going to come home and write a blog about what I did and how I felt. I realized that even though crappy things can happen in life you are still going to wake up tomorrow and it is going to be a new day. Whatever bad things come your way you can handle them. Sometimes it really does help to just focus on the steps you need to take to go forward. Whether it is up a hill, or in your life. Life is beautiful. We would not know beauty without the ugly. We would not know happiness without the sadness. I am thankful for my bad days, because in turn it makes me appreciate the good days more. I know that it is hard to think this way sometimes. Believe me. Sometimes things happen and they are so terrible you cannot imagine how you are going to make it to the next day, but somehow you do. 

It is days like today that make me feel good about my life. Make me appreciate all things. Even though the possibility of my little sister, my best friend in the whole entire world, moving to Japan could happen in the next year...Even though my boyfriend lives in Japan for the next two years...Even though I might have to cut back on school, graduate later then my classmates, or even not finishing school could happen.... least I know I still have my sister. I still have my boyfriend. And I will always have the memories and things I have learned in school up until now.

Well, I guess that is what I thought about today. In a nutshell anyways. When I start writing a blog I normally write a few and they do not make sense because I have so much going on in my mind that I just start writing and it only makes sense to me. I hope that I organized this in a way that all of you can understand what was going through my brain. I hope that someone can get something out of this as well because I know that life can be crappy, but as long as you can see that you do have something in your life that is good that will get you through the next day. 

No matter what happens no one can take away my happiness from me because I have my family. I have Will. I have cooking. 

Life is good. 

I am strong. 
I am beautiful.
I am Independent.